Wednesday 8 July 2020

Unlearn & Relearn : Conditioning of Women in Indian Society

"That reflection in the mirror is YOU. I encourage you to love her, flaws and all! Be kind to her, take care of her, see the best in her, and celebrate her.”  ― Stephanie Lahart

No matter how many #women-empowerment, #self-love, #BeYourself #YouAreBeautiful etc. trends on social media, the condition of woman has not changed much in terms of her acceptance as an equal individual, as a decision-maker. 

 I am fully aware of the fact that it takes generations to make a visible change in society.  I am not going to discuss the patriarchal structure, role of men, society as a whole and politics in contemporary times. 
What I want to discuss is the role of a woman, herself. Why wait for others' acceptance?
Especially if you are educated, then what stopped you from learning, exploring the different subjects, societies?
First, let's face some questions-

1. Why do you keep seeking validation from others? Be it your body structure, skin colour, career choices or your family choices. 
2. What makes you start working towards reinstating the old-age, obsolete mindset? 
3. Why do you aspire to be a perfect woman? And what is a perfect woman? Why do you want to be perfect when others around you are not? Why every time you feel that it's only your duty to make everyone happy?
4. Why do you feel that you can't make a decision alone? Is it fear of taking responsibility for the outcome of the decision or is it self-doubt? 
5. Why saying "No" feels a big deal? Why clearly explaining what you want feels a big deal?

Every woman should introspect and then start the process of unlearning the old age idea of a woman and then relearn the actual qualities, aspects of womanhood and life as a whole.
The most important thing is making yourself a priority without any guilt. Self-Care, Self-love is a must. Everyone has 24 hours in a day, so set your priorities and you should be on that list. 
Work on your skills, your physical and mental health and let your all family members be part of all this. 
Give it all to your relationships, family and career, that is important, But also communicate what you want and what you need.
Learn to say NO, unlearn your habit of being available for everyone, every time by compromising your happiness. Show them you love and care but also show you love yourself too and you need to be treated the way everyone expects you to treat them. Most importantly, treat yourself the way you wants others to treat you.
Never agree on anything I repeat anything which you don't want to continue for the rest of your life. Because once you do that you are always expected to do the same. Going back will take lots of work, pain and creates a big mess. So avoid that in the first place itself. Facing awkwardness for a few days is better than facing broken relationships and people.
Be unconcerned of other's unrealistic expectations and biased opinions. Do consider constructive criticism/feedback. Learn to see things as it is. Stop getting flattered by appreciation without the support and sorry without changed behaviour. 

Be fearless. It is very liberating. And to be fearless, you should know yourself completely.
Don't seek validation from others, don't try to please everyone. Even if you die of trying to meet other's expectation, there will still be someone not satisfied. So stop that.
Try to be a better version of yourself each day, but love and accept yourself and always have high self-esteem.