Please don’t make your children feel guilty for having their own dreams and thoughts

“OMG !!! Such a beautiful painting”, I said. After that she showed me all the work she created. I can see the spark in her eyes. Every painting had a story or a person behind it. Then she said I can sing also. I can sing now, if you want. How could I say no? After that so many songs, so many paintings, tunes on guitar and much more, I have seen and heard.

She told me how much she loves painting and music. I asked, “Then what you doing here in engineering idiot”.  And again the same story!!! because my parents wanted me to do this. She was pursuing her masters in an area which she doesn’t like.

She feels frustrated at times but could not gather enough courage to pursue her dreams. Everyone will say, “Then, it’s her mistake. She should have enough courage”.

But it’s not only about the courage. Our upbringing has a lot to do with it. We are raised like this. If you go against your parents, they will be hurt and when they are hurt you start feeling guilty and if you are guilty, you will lose your morale. Once you feel you are not morally correct, you can’t do your best, even if you have capability to do that. Some people can overcome that feeling and excel but many cannot.

This is not the only case, there are so many children just doing what they were asked to do for the sake of making their family happy.

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts……… from “Wings of fire”

Dear Parents,

You are undoubtedly the best people for your child. You always want them to be happy and successful. You are always there when nobody is and you will love them all your life and most of the times compromises your happiness and needs over their happiness and their wishes.

The only problem is how you pursue your goal of making your kids happy and successful. I know you people know this world better; you have experience of number of years greater than your child’s age.

But what is success?? Getting good grades and then pursuing a career which will payback in good amount of money. A big house, big car, getting married, having children and then repeating the same circle of raising their kids and so on. This may be true to many but not to all. Everyone has their own definition and meaning for success and happiness.

Nowadays, most of you want your child to top and to win in every competition, every activity they participate. Some of you even pressurize them to a great extent and if they can’t fulfill your expectations you compare them with others, diminishing their effort and making them feel inferior. May be unknowingly, but you do. These competitions were started to build sportsmen spirit, team spirit, and leadership qualities in your children and so if they win its good and if not, that is also good enough.

Not all children have same IQ. Some are good at sports, some at studies, some have creative minds they have different view towards things and people.

With all due respect, you choose their career on the basis of your past experiences and social norms, which I feel is not good. Some of you don’t want to be embarrassed in front of your relatives and friends. And some of you have an unfulfilled dream that you want your kid to fulfill.

But they are different human beings; they are born with their own mind and heart. That’s natural; we can’t do anything about it. They will have their own thoughts and dreams. Please don’t make them feel guilty for having their own dreams and thoughts which, sometimes, are not in sync with yours.

If you are lucky, may be their talent, dreams and happiness goes hand in hand with your expectations. But that’s the rare and the best case.

Your children’s mental health is more important than their grades. Frustration, stress and other negative feelings destroy your children’s personality. They grow up as unhappy people. And you cannot pour from an empty vessel. In the process, they lose self-confidence and lose love for you too.

I have seen so many people who live in other cities hardly feel going back home. They feel free; they feel they don’t have to listen to all the lectures time and again. They go only when they have no other option.

Do you want your children to treat their home as jails?  And what type of bonding you expects from it. When relationships become duty, it loses the spark and meaning. Then you do things because you should do and not because you want to and because it makes you feel happy. That is not what you want or what we want. 

Love them (that you always do), encourage them, guide them but don’t pressurize them. Don’t let your insecurities overpower your trust on them; don’t let your fear overpower your vision you have for your children.

Let them enjoy life to the fullest. Don’t compare them with your any Sharma Ji’s son, if they are doing their best as per their capability. When they will be happy, they will spread happiness and you will be happy to see them happy. And a happy man is always efficient and courageous.

This post is dedicated to someone. So darling!! if you read this till the end, these lines are for you................

You are beautiful the way you are
You are unique Because you were created to be the way you are
I can't be you and you can't be me
Because you are beautiful the way you are
You are not here to be someone else
You are here to be what you are
Sure you need to improve, but so we all
But always remember you are beautiful the way you are

    

अच्छा लगता है

माँ ने कहा बच्चों से

अच्छा लगता है तुम घर आते हो

कुछ वक़्त मेरे साथ बिताते हो

मेरी सुनते हो अपनी सुनाते हो

मेरी जवानी अपना बचपन याद दिलाते हो

पिता ने कहा बच्चों से

अच्छा लगता है तुम आते हो

तुम्हारी माँ की आँखों मे खुशी देते हो

मुझे फिर से बाज़ार जाके तुम्हारे लिए कुछ लाने का मौका देते हो

इस घर को फिर रोनकों से भर देते हो

दादी ने कहा पोती से

अच्छा लगता है तुम आती हो

कुछ वक़्त मेरे साथ बिताती हो

मेरी एक ही बात बिन शिकायत कितनी बार सुन लेती हो

तुम बार बार आया करो

भाई ने कहा बेहन से

अच्छा लगता है तुम आती हो

हमारा बचपन,वो नोक-झोंक फिर से याद दिलाती हो

इस घर को फिर एक बार पूरा कर जाती हो

वो आंटी हर बार कहती थी

अच्छा लगता है तुम आती हो

कम बोलती हो पर मेरी सुनकर मुस्कुराती रहती हो

तुम नही आती हो तो कह नही पाती हूँ अपने दिल की

तुम आया करो

उसको साथ बिठाकर बस एक बार खाना खिलाया था

अच्छा लगता है जब हर बार मुझे देख कर एक लंबी मुस्कान देता है

कहता है अच्छा लगता है आप जब भी दिखती हो

अच्छा लगता है उसकी सुनना जिसकी सुनने वाला कोई ना हो

दो प्यार भरे बोल के बदले जो स्नेह मिलता है

उसकी तुलना किसी से ना हो

भागदौड़ भरी ज़िंदगी से कुछ पल चुरा कर

थोडा ठहर कर ज़िंदगी का लुतफ लेना

अपने-परायों से स्नेह से मिलना

उनको अपने वक़्त का साझीदार बनाना

अच्छा लगता है

बस अच्छा लगता है

Gender Equality:  Is it only about men and women??

So much have already said and written about Gender Equality and other related terms like Feminism etc. and I am not going to do the same. What I feel is that most of the discussions end up in making this problem “Men vs. Women” and that is when we lose the grip on the actual problem and its probable solutions. It should be “Equality supporters” vs. “Inequality supporters”. We all talk about criminal activities against women (more oppressed gender and for longer time) and we must continue doing that but we should also not forget about the fake dowry cases, rape allegations and other misused laws.

We don’t want to create another oppressed gender in the process of fighting for equal rights for one gender. Do we??

I may have some bad experiences in past with men but does that makes me hopeless about all men??  Sure, I may be more conscious and sometimes, suspicious too, but not hopeless, for sure. Because I have seen my father, some of my male friends, my fiance and others through their writings and open public support for the cause, as examples of good men who challenged the so called norms in their own small or big way and created their own logical reasons to adopt those changes of ideas and thoughts.

Some two years back while travelling in a bus I had one different experience. Two old men were sitting on seats reserved for women. I and my friend standing just besides them heard a voice from behind…… “These are women seats”. We looked back and there were two healthy women asking those men (their father or uncle’s age) to leave the seats. Who needed those seats more?? 
If we are not ready to give up privileges, not even in required conditions. How can we expect men to give up privileges they enjoy in patriarchal structure?? My point is that it’s not only about gender alone. It is simply about mindset and personal gains.

While growing up, whenever I heard someone asking a young man, what qualities he expects in his life partner, the answers you gets were “beautiful, simple, homely, who respects me and my family or who can take care of my family and other similar stuff”. And these answers were from majority of men. But now if you ask, some of them would say probably – “a wise and an independent women”. 

A ray of hope!!  Isn’t???  Not all men but some of them and they do exist.

It's not only about men and women

But Gender equality is not only about men and women. Gender is fundamentally about what one chooses to identify as. In modern times, you can’t talk about gender equality without recognizing the other genders that exist (homosexual, bisexual, asexual and others). Transgender recognized but never given acceptance or equal rights. When we talk about gender equality, these all should be included.

As a society, we remain in state of denial for longer than the usual. Statements like “they don’t exist”, “this is a disease and can be cured by yoga”, “It’s unnatural and against our religion”. Irony is that this is probably the one subject on which all religions agree with each other. Even after so many reports of exploitation (physical and sexual) and blackmailing, we have put a blind eye on this.

We can’t even imagine the mental, emotional and social pressure they go through. In one of the interview a man said “ I, myself was not able to understand what was going within me, I had a body of male but a soul of female and he was just 14 or 15 by then. He continued…I was not able to share it with my parents and when I shared they were crying and asked me to keep it a secret”.

Who are we to decide if something is natural or unnatural?? We are having this amazing habit of opposing things/ subjects that we feel are inconvenient for us. Just read somewhere this amazing line which says “Don’t hate what you can’t understand”.

First time, when I saw a gay in a mall, my reactions were odd, not even realizing that I was staring at him. It was Independence Day and he taunts me with “And people are here to celebrate Independence Day”. I really felt bad but it was not intentional, I was not fully aware of other gender by then (2012) and so many people are still the same.

Many of us are still not giving them the right to live with dignity. Some of us mock them; make fun of them, not realizing that we are interfering in their private choices they made for themselves. We really need to evolve as a society. And it’s high time.

Even after legal recognition of third gender (only recognizing transgender, as clarified by the court) in all government forms, there is still no acceptance in the mainstream. Resignation of a transgender from the post of School Principal is the evidence of the same.

You can delay the change but you can never stop it. But more you delay it, more you have to pay for it.

 

   

    

Short rhymes

ये क्या है.वो कुछ यूँ ख्यालों मे छाया है, जैसे मेरा ही एक साया है

इत्तेफ़ाक सा लगता है कभी, कभी लगे की किस्मत की हसीन छाया है
वक़्त बेवक़्त ज़हन से गुज़रते है कुछ ख्याल,इन्ही लम्हो ने कुछ रातों से जगाया है
ये जो लम्हे है कुछ बेचैन तो कुछ उलझे-सुलझे से
ये जो बातें है कुछ कही तो कुछ अनकही सी
ये जो होता है सुना था की ये होता है, अब जाना की ये क्या है ओर कैसे होता है
मैं चलूं तो ख्याल रोक सा देते है,मैं जो बोलू तो सोच समझ कर लफ्ज़ चुन लेने का ख़याल आता है
ये जो बदल सा रहा है, ये मैं हूँ या ये वक़्त है 
ये जो संभल सा रहा है मेरे अंदर, ये में हूँ या उसका अक्स है मुझमे 
ये क्या है जो बदल रहा है, ये क्या है जो संभल रहा है 
ये क्या है जो समझाता है , हँसता है, एक ही वक़्त पे ना जाने कितने एहसास दिल मे लाता है

सुकून

सुकून मिलता है कुछ वक़्त तन्हा बिताकर
ना समझाना पड़ता है ना समझना
इन खामोशियों मे अपनी सांसो का संगीत बजता है
और धड़कनो पे अपना अक्स थिरकता है

फ़ुर्सत

सोचा की सोचूँगी फ़ुर्सत से कभी 
दिल बोला यूँ ही फ़ुर्सत मिली है कभी
वक़्त से लम्हे तो चुराने पड़ते है
ज़िंदगी मे मौके तो बनाने पड़ते है
ठहरना पड़ता है कहीं तो कहीं सरपट सा दौड़ना
गीरो, उठो, चलो पर आगे बढ़ना नही छोड़ना

क्या ज़रूरी है

बढ़ना भी ज़रूरी है तो, ठहरना भी तो 
अगर कह देना ज़रूरी है तो, खामोश रहना भी तो
ग़लतियों को नज़रअंदाज़ करना ज़रूरी है तो, उन्हे ना दोहराने के लिए सबक देना भी तो
शांत रहना ज़रूरी है तो, वक़्त की नज़ाकत देख कठोर होना भी तो
तो कैसे कह दोगे बिना पूरा सच जाने, की क्या सही है क्या ग़लत

सफ़र

कौन है यहाँ बस मैं हूँ और ये वादियाँ है
असीम सी दिखती खूबसूरती,बेहद से दिखते रास्ते है
ये जो रास्ते हैं कहीं तक तो जाते होंगे
कहीं पहुँच कर कहीं तो ख़त्म हो जाते होंगे
आज ये मेरे सफ़र का हिस्सा है, कल मेरे लिए एक मज़ेदार किस्सा होंगे
ये जो सफ़र सुकून सा देता है, तन्हाई जो शांति सी देती है
ये अकेलेपन से मुझे इतना प्यार क्यूँ है
कभी सोचती हूँ भीड़ से घबराहट, तन्हाई से इतना प्यार क्यूँ है 

बदलते लोग

करीब रह कर लोगों के बस इतना समझ पाए
वक़्त के साथ बदलते हैं इंसान भी जज़्बात भी
कोई वक़्त काटने के लिए हमसफ़र चुनता है 
तो कोई उसे ही ज़िंदगी समझ लेता है
इन गलतफहमियों के दौर मे जब बिखरे किसी के सपने तो
बात बस यही निकली….
अकेले होना बेहतर है इन हर पल बदलते इंसानो से, ख़ुदग़र्ज़ से पैमानो से