Please don’t make your children feel guilty for having their own dreams and thoughts

“OMG !!! Such a beautiful painting”, I said. After that she showed me all the work she created. I can see the spark in her eyes. Every painting had a story or a person behind it. Then she said I can sing also. I can sing now, if you want. How could I say no? After that so many songs, so many paintings, tunes on guitar and much more, I have seen and heard.

She told me how much she loves painting and music. I asked, “Then what you doing here in engineering idiot”.  And again the same story!!! because my parents wanted me to do this. She was pursuing her masters in an area which she doesn’t like.

She feels frustrated at times but could not gather enough courage to pursue her dreams. Everyone will say, “Then, it’s her mistake. She should have enough courage”.

But it’s not only about the courage. Our upbringing has a lot to do with it. We are raised like this. If you go against your parents, they will be hurt and when they are hurt you start feeling guilty and if you are guilty, you will lose your morale. Once you feel you are not morally correct, you can’t do your best, even if you have capability to do that. Some people can overcome that feeling and excel but many cannot.

This is not the only case, there are so many children just doing what they were asked to do for the sake of making their family happy.

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts……… from “Wings of fire”

Dear Parents,

You are undoubtedly the best people for your child. You always want them to be happy and successful. You are always there when nobody is and you will love them all your life and most of the times compromises your happiness and needs over their happiness and their wishes.

The only problem is how you pursue your goal of making your kids happy and successful. I know you people know this world better; you have experience of number of years greater than your child’s age.

But what is success?? Getting good grades and then pursuing a career which will payback in good amount of money. A big house, big car, getting married, having children and then repeating the same circle of raising their kids and so on. This may be true to many but not to all. Everyone has their own definition and meaning for success and happiness.

Nowadays, most of you want your child to top and to win in every competition, every activity they participate. Some of you even pressurize them to a great extent and if they can’t fulfill your expectations you compare them with others, diminishing their effort and making them feel inferior. May be unknowingly, but you do. These competitions were started to build sportsmen spirit, team spirit, and leadership qualities in your children and so if they win its good and if not, that is also good enough.

Not all children have same IQ. Some are good at sports, some at studies, some have creative minds they have different view towards things and people.

With all due respect, you choose their career on the basis of your past experiences and social norms, which I feel is not good. Some of you don’t want to be embarrassed in front of your relatives and friends. And some of you have an unfulfilled dream that you want your kid to fulfill.

But they are different human beings; they are born with their own mind and heart. That’s natural; we can’t do anything about it. They will have their own thoughts and dreams. Please don’t make them feel guilty for having their own dreams and thoughts which, sometimes, are not in sync with yours.

If you are lucky, may be their talent, dreams and happiness goes hand in hand with your expectations. But that’s the rare and the best case.

Your children’s mental health is more important than their grades. Frustration, stress and other negative feelings destroy your children’s personality. They grow up as unhappy people. And you cannot pour from an empty vessel. In the process, they lose self-confidence and lose love for you too.

I have seen so many people who live in other cities hardly feel going back home. They feel free; they feel they don’t have to listen to all the lectures time and again. They go only when they have no other option.

Do you want your children to treat their home as jails?  And what type of bonding you expects from it. When relationships become duty, it loses the spark and meaning. Then you do things because you should do and not because you want to and because it makes you feel happy. That is not what you want or what we want. 

Love them (that you always do), encourage them, guide them but don’t pressurize them. Don’t let your insecurities overpower your trust on them; don’t let your fear overpower your vision you have for your children.

Let them enjoy life to the fullest. Don’t compare them with your any Sharma Ji’s son, if they are doing their best as per their capability. When they will be happy, they will spread happiness and you will be happy to see them happy. And a happy man is always efficient and courageous.

This post is dedicated to someone. So darling!! if you read this till the end, these lines are for you................

You are beautiful the way you are
You are unique Because you were created to be the way you are
I can't be you and you can't be me
Because you are beautiful the way you are
You are not here to be someone else
You are here to be what you are
Sure you need to improve, but so we all
But always remember you are beautiful the way you are